Category Archives: Loss

Let Disability turn on Your Light?

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

 

Becoming disabled puts one into a dark place. Few of us shine when we first become disabled. In fact it might better be called, “A Dark Place of the Soul”. For that is what it feels like.

When first Disabled, We tend to do a lot of soul searching.

This soul searching takes many forms. All tend to start with looking backed over what has happened to us.

Initially, we try to find our footing. What is going on? Will it change more? Hopefully for the better, and not for the worse.

When I left medical practice, I started on a medication for another potentially life threatening illness. That medication made my eyesight could up overnight. I paused in the treatment and found that it would reverse. Then I had the question of would it reverse after months of use? If it did not could I live with the clouds? I took the medication and the clouds stayed, but the illness was cured. I don’t think the clouds are gone after 10 years.

I was already legally blind and thus could use rehab services. I did not have to try working. I did look for non clinical jobs, but with no luck.

Had my physician messed up?

This is asked my most. For me I had gone to one of the world’s experts. I had often talked to him and he had recently written the article about glaucoma in my favorite medical journal. I do have a few questions and suggestions for him, but no major criticisms.

Did God do this to me?

Many people have an image of an all controlling God. As long as this sort of God let’s things go our way, we don’t challenge this God. Job of the Bible struggled with such an understanding of God.

Job was faultless, but we are not. It is easy to blame ourselves for becoming disabled. Some will try to repent and bargain with God. Others reject God. That only punishes themselves. They have cut themselves off from god.

Finally, we are where we are, like it or Not.

That is when we must rekindle our light within. If we don’t we remain like that stained glass window, hard to see its’ color. Those who remain bitter and angry never shine again. Those who find ways to enjoy life shine.

How will you rekindle your light for life?

Rekindling your light for life takes help. Friends and Family have few resources to offer. Rehab professionals have programs to fill. Life coaches need for you to succeed and refer others.

As All Ways, Seek Joy,

Coach Dr. Dave

Can you do this?

What adult has not been asked that question by a child? The child has discovered a new ability and thinks it is neat.  Sometimes it is something simple like standing on one foot other times it takes more effort like rubbing your stomach while patting your head. If you are older like me you might want to see if you still can do these.

Over our lifetimes we learn and unlearn many things. If I tried to do much of the math I did in college, I would need to review. Other subjects like the social sciences; I am better versed in because I continue to read in those areas. I also majored in the math based field of Chemistry, but don’t work in that area.

The process of learning and the unlearning things starts in childhood. Neuroscience has found that beginning in early childhood our brains continually rewire themselves. Since, our brains grow until we are about twenty-five the unlearning is not noticeable until later in life.  Yet if you observe how a child throws a ball, you notice that that skill changes. Their body changes, so they have new abilities. They change their throw to take advantage of those new abilities.

In the early adult years there is so much to learn or relearn. Usually we do what we saw adults do. Take for example in a marriage. The way we interact with our partners repeats the patterns we experienced in our homes. this often causes conflict when our partner does not do as expected.  Knowing this most couples negotiate this. Sometimes they need help to break out of undesired patterns, Many Life Coaches focus their efforts in this area.

Later in life lost abilities begin to be noticeable. As an athlete you notice this earlier, with peak ability usually before age 30, sometimes in our teens. For most of us our careers peak later on. Yet at some point all of us realize that we need to step aside and let younger people shine. As an athlete becomes a coach, workers become mentors.

What happens next? In the work place we eventually become “Redundant”. This happens early for many because of many factors. The technology can change. Surgery went through a major change when the laparoscope was introduced.  Surgeries that required a week or more in the hospital can be done without overnight stays. Yet, the use of the laparoscope is not easy and must be maintained. This need to relearn applies to all of us.

Older adults did not grow up with computers. Yes they have been around longer than I have, but not in the common place of today. I recently got upset with some older adults that cannot enter data into a computer or access it when they need to.

What skills have you mastered as an adult? Are there skills that you had as a child that are obsolete?  Have you or a friend had to learn a new job? That is a major effort, but often done.

So, what do you want to do when you grow up?

We ask that of children, yet is that not an appropriate question for all of us? You may have dreamed a life history as a child. Now what does that dream look like? Have you fallen in so many ways so many times that you no longer dream?  Why is that? Have you decided to just follow the path of others?  Why should we resign ourselves to be followers?

I often marvel at the ages of many people in the news.  Many of them seem to be younger and then when their age slips into the news, I was off by a decade or more.  I think I sell myself short. There is a lot of time left to accomplish things.

What are your dreams?

As All Ways, Dream Big,

Coach Dr. Dave

Improve your health, be grateful

Improve your health, be grateful

You may feel better when you have something to be grateful about, but did you know that finding things to be grateful for can actually improve your health?  That is people who are grateful are physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially healthier.

We all like to be around people who are grateful. They are positive and enjoy life. They find the joys in the little things of life. They tend to overlook or Passover the trials of life. Their spirit always seems to be soring.

Research has shown that people who focus on what they have to be grateful for are less depressed, and stressed.  They fall asleep faster, sleep sounder and awaken more refreshed. This is even true for people with such painful conditions as post-polio syndrome and chronic Fatigue syndrome.

In a study of persons who survived a heart attack researchers at the University of Connecticut found that those who were grateful for their heart attack had fewer second heart attacks.  Those who were grateful for their heart attacks saw them as a warning to slow down and get their lives in balance.   Helping reestablish a life balance is what Life Coaches are good at.

Some would say that each of us has a gratefulness set point. That is over time our sense of gratitude does not change. Yet there are times when we feel grateful and times when we feel well, ungrateful.  Some would say that grateful children become grateful adults. However, can ungrateful kids become grateful adults, or the opposite?

The answer is yes, we can become more grateful.  Researchers have found several techniques for increasing one’s gratitude.  Here are some you might want to try.

1. Keep a gratitude journal. at some time each day list five things you are grateful for.  Things you are not grateful for will also come up. Record them as well.  Always make sure you come up with five things, even if one is, “I am grateful that I can write this.”
2. Place visual reminders of what you are grateful for.  If you are grateful for family keep their pictures where you can see them. Post it notes can also be used to write things you are grateful for. Put them where you will see them easily. Especially at times or places where you might feel less them grateful.
3. Improve your health, be grateful:

  • You may feel better when you have something to be grateful about, but did you know that finding things to be grateful for can actually improve your health? That is people who are grateful are physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially healthier.
  • We all like to be around people who are grateful. They are positive and enjoy life. They find the joys in the little things of life. They tend to overlook or Passover the trials of life. Their spirit always seems to be soring.

  • Research has shown that people who focus on what they have to be grateful for are less depressed, and stressed. They fall asleep faster, sleep sounder and awaken more refreshed. This is even true for people with such painful conditions as post-polio syndrome and chronic Fatigue syndrome.

  • In a study of persons who survived a heart attack researchers at the University of Connecticut found that those who were grateful for their heart attack had fewer second heart attacks. Those who were grateful for their heart attacks saw them as a warning to slow down and get their lives in balance. Helping reestablish a life balance is what Life Coaches are good at.

  • Some would say that each of us has a gratefulness set point. That is over time our sense of gratitude does not change. Yet there are times when we feel grateful and times when we feel well, ungrateful. Some would say that grateful children become grateful adults. However, can ungrateful kids become grateful adults, or the opposite?

 

The answer is yes, we can become more grateful. Researchers have found several techniques for increasing one’s gratitude. Here are some you might want to try.

 

  1. Keep a gratitude journal. at some time each day list five things you are grateful for. Things you are not grateful for will also come up. Record them as well. Always make sure you come up with five things, even if one is, “I am grateful that I can write this.”

  2. Place visual reminders of what you are grateful for. If you are grateful for family keep their pictures where you can see them. Post it notes can also be used to write things you are grateful for. Put them where you will see them easily. Especially at times or places where you might feel less them grateful.

  3. Write a thank you letter; the process of writing the letter and delivering it will help you focus on what you are thankful for. Getting the letter will bring joy to the other.

  4. Become religious; all major faiths promote gratitude. The press may not promote this aspect of religions but the Hebrew, Christian, Islam, Buddhist, and Hindu faiths all have gratitude as a central tenant of their faith. All look at life as a gift from God (or Gods).

  5. Have a partner in gratitude; just like exercising is more fun with a partner; find someone you can share your gratitude with. This makes you accountable to someone else and they might even be able to be the thing you are grateful for one day.

  6. Publicly declare that you will be grateful for things; you can do this on Facebook or other sites; if you post that you will post your Gratitude Journal there daily, your friends will come to look for it. Thus they will become your gratitude partners.

  7. Join groups or web communities that focus on Gratitude; Greatfulness.org is one such group.

  8. If you are always coming up with things to be ungrateful for, change yourself talk. This requires that you work with a coach or therapist. They might use a technique call Cognitive Behavior Therapy. They will teach you how to record the events that trigger negative self-talk. Together you will evaluate them.

 

 

 

If you wish help in this or other aspects of your life, ask a coach. I am available for free consultations. To set up a consultation email me at mosemandave@gmail.com to find out more about me and my coaching check outwww.injoyhealthandlifecoaching.com