Shape of congruent triangles

How to become who you want to be.

You can’t always be the person you want to be. When a disability makes you less capable than you were, you often feel like a fraud. You do things but know you aren’t doing them as well as you’re used to. You want to correct that but don’t always know how. You can change that by becoming “congruent” with yourself.

Congruence is a need we have that helps us thrive. It is that feeling of being who we want to be. No, not acting that way, but really behaving as that person we want to be.

Who do you want to be?

A couple of weeks ago I talked about creating a dream of who you want to be. Now we need to live out that dream. We need to act congruently with that dream. If you have forgotten how to create that dream go back and do it now.

Now let’s put some emotion into it. What would it feel like to be who you want to be?

  • Take a few minutes and write down all the words that come to you about who you want to be.
  • Now pick out three words that best describe who you want to be.
  • Try them on for size. Walk around the room a couple of times thinking about being that person.
  • Did it feel good and right? If not find new words.

Just feeling who you want to be is not enough. You need to act like that person. Let’s become the persons we want to be.

  • Take a few minutes and write down all the words that come to you about how the person you want to be would act.
  • Now pick out three words that best describe how you want to act.

Thinking about whom you want to be and how you would act is not enough. How would you feel? If you want to seem confident yet feel a fraud, how do you think you would come across to others? Would you really want to feel like a fraud? When you were walking around the room as the person you want to be how did you feel? Put aside that feeling of confidence and look at the other feelings you had.

You now need to find ways to be true to your new self. When you say you will be true do something to follow thru with your intention. That way others will not come to think of you as a fraud.

Becoming the person you want to be is work. The person you were before disability did not come about overnight. In creating that person you had a lot of help. The adults in your life were role models. You will need to find new role models. The Disability Freedom Podcasts will offer you some recommendations of people you might want as your new role models.

Ways to become the person you want to be.

  • Write down the three words that describe who you want to be.
  • Write down the three words of how you want to come across to others.
  • Review these six word several times a day.
  • Think of people who resmble the person you want to be. Are there biographies of them?
  • Think of people with your disability. How do they live like the person you want to be? Check out biographies of such people.
  • Start a journal and write in it each evening.
    • How well you lived out these six words
    • How you might have lived out these six words better during the day
    • Think about how you will live them out tomorrow.
    • How were you emotionally today? Did you live out the person you want to be?
    • What might have prevented you from feeling like the person you want to be?
  • What are five things you will do in the next sixty days to live out the “new” you.
  • If you haven’t posted a picture of your dream, do it now.

Congratulations! You are beginning to thrive. Yes, thriving is not easy, but it is fun. Enjoy it!

As All Ways, Seek Joy,

Note: this is the seventh in a series of blogs based on Brendon Burchard’s book,The Charge. To find the others in this series click on the Making a Disability your biggest gift category.

Also, you are welcome to share this series.

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